I want to explain why we are inviting absolutely every last one of you to The Green Door Gallery art event on Wednesday. It’s taken me ages to write this out. It’s meant I’ve had to say his name over and over again.
In January we launched a mental health awareness campaign at the Irish Embassy. The inimitable “Darkness Into Light” team also donated an incredible 48,000 Euros to partner organisations that provide therapy training and mental health helpline services here in Belgium.
And here is your invitation to the art event this Wednesday:
Ever since my friend took his life in 2007, I’d been looking for a charity that supported people. Supported them in the way I believed my friend and his family had not been supported: I wanted to donate to something that helped individuals and families dealing with mental health crises and bereavement.
From the day of his funeral until the day of this year’s Darkness Into Light launch, I avoided every photo of him. Without thinking, I believed I could control my grief if I avoided reflecting on him. It felt like too much. I’d also, tragically but in a different way, refrained from reaching out to mutual friends. As if the pain would be too great and the floodgates would open. Me! Avoid talking? With friends! Can you imagine?
Then, 17 years later, after the speech when I FINALLY opened up, a family approached me and spoke eloquently. They described how some of us stop ourselves from connecting, even talking, to friends and family, as a form of control. I thought of a diagnosis in psychology: “Selective Mutism.” And a term in popular culture: “Stonewalling.” They explained that some people have such big feelings, they get overwhelmed, and in order to gain a sense of control, some people cut others out.
They had been discussing their own mental health relationships, but it sparked my own long-dark lightbulb.
I’d been burying my own grief in isolation.
I’d avoided looking at old photos.
I didn’t even mention his name casually until last year.
Around this time last year, walking with a friend Sarah Ironside she mentioned she was painting these hearts when she goes for walks. Sarah explained these yellow hearts help people process grief and connect to a charity that supports individuals and families. I was so inspired. I painted a yellow heart in my friend’s memory as we discussed the complexities of grief.
In the post I had written:
If you, or anyone you know are working through suicidal ideation or grief after the loss of a loved one, you might want to check out the incredible support and free services of the Darkness Into Light organisation: www.darknessintolight.ie
You see better than I could; I wrote his name in rain-proof paint, but I still couldn’t bring myself to say it regularly, even write it in my post online!
Sarah had written:
Here is the transcript of her whole post from May 2023:
I walked with my beautiful friend Tamar Levi. She is an artist and she painted her friend Dominic ‘s name with love, sadness and hope.
She told me how Dominic liked to do theatre where there was no theatre. He brought theatre audiences on boats, he was like a theatre doctor who made plays better.
But at 42 he took his own life to the immense grief and sadness of all who loved him.
HOPE – that is the word for me which defines my walks. I walk with the hope that someone will reach out and get help. I walk with the hope that together we can play a part in reducing the stigma that surrounds mental health problems.
Tomorrow I will write these words in lights in the park.
Hope. Dochas. Hoop. Espoir.
I look forward to waking my 60th walk together with people all over the world and sharing the same sunrise.
Thanks to your generosity my personal fundraiser is now at almost 7000 euros – but every euro counts and donations still welcome.
These were turned=away-from physical blindspots.. The memories of where he lived and where the funeral was held were too overwhelming.
I had so many blind spots. Sarah Ironside mentioned his name in her post. At that time, I’d been holding my grief too close to my chest. Believing it too personal, even for my personal friends to read on my personal wall.
There are also odd circles British society draws around who gets to grieve to the depth they feel they need: I wasn’t his girlfriend or mother, why should I be as shaken to my core as I’d felt?
Up until Sarah and I walked in 2023, I’d rarely mentioned him. Of course, he was referred to and grieved openly at the time of his tragic death and during the time of his funeral in 2007. Back then, I had to say his name to apply for time off work to attend the funeral. I requested bereavement therapy from my work. I’m sure his name was mentioned in those three corporate-office therapy sessions. It wasn’t until SEVENTEEN YEARS later, in 2024, this family, deep at the heart of an event close to my heart, surrounded by their community and friends, speaking of another grief entirely, external to my own self, only THEY helped me reach this private, hidden, personal epiphany: I had been stonewalling my own community around my own grief. My way of controlling my feelings had been to avoid discussion with mutual friends and certainly, to avoid any photos.
That evening, I went home and looked him up. His face flooded the internet. Newspapers, tributes, memorials, projects he’d done for Cornish community, the heritage community that grew from his theatre projects, a whole new theatre atelier built in his honour, credits for films I’d never heard he’d acted, productions I’d no idea he’d founded or scripts he’d fixed… articles and articles and articles… and even an entire photo album dedicated to a life of sensitive beauty.
I was stunned.
Of course I was not the only person mourning Dominic Knutton.
The manager of the Dutch language helplines here in Belgium had spoken only this evening of statistics. It was reported, on average, 130 people are affected by every individual life lost.
Dominic Knutton and author Paulo Coelho after a London showing of Dom’s adaptation & the UKs premier “THE ALCHEMIST”
I smiled at photos of his successes and laughed at photos of him playing instruments I didn’t know he’d even (tried to?) play.
I saw evidence of his naughty-academic playfulness in a Bacchanalia he’d done at the iconic Eden Project, his historical recovery of Ordinalia (three medieval mystery plays dating to the late fourteenth century,
written primarily in Middle Cornish),
even what a cheeky chappie he’d been as a child.
That evening I’d finally reached out and felt the parallel rays of all 130 people+ remembering my friend, our friend, with similar loving sadness, and suddenly I felt the isolate release after seventeen whole years.
Weeping, I emailed Dom’s friend and theatre producer, Jason Squibb:
Hello Jason, you might remember me, if not, that’s ok. Dominic Knutton and I were close. I’ve been a “Cornishwoman abroad” since then and I don’t think you and I have met in person since Dom’s funeral. At that time I felt a lot of guilt for not having been able to support him… [more effectively, through his darkest end thoughts]. I also really struggled with the bereavement (as we all did). At the time I felt I wasn’t able to help him, and the frustration there was not any mental health support that I knew of, was angry-making. At his funeral I thought about how much I wished there had been a free and qualified professional who could have talked with him in a way that might have led him away from self harm. So for years I was looking for a charity to donate to in order to make sure there could be support for people struggling like Dom had been at that time. Since moving to Brussels I witnessed a lot of people raising awareness for suicide and bereavement and mental health. I reached out to one of the organisers of the most transparently effective support groups and asked if I could donate and organise an event for donations to the 24/7 free therapy hotlines they run in 3 languages here. It’s taken us 4 years to get this event underway and yesterday, (with the benefaction of the European President no less!),
Roberta Metsola, the current President of the European Parliament shares her vision for greater mental health awareness in member states.
we finally launched the campaign. My artwork, inspired by Dominic’s illness is on auction and all donations go to the professionals on the phones helping thousands every year work through both the pain and processing that both Dom and we had to do without their kind of support.
All professional art photography done by Ahu Yigit at Atelier 34
Anyway, whether you remember me or not, it doesn’t matter. We both had big love for the same guy. I did this thing in honour of him and I wanted to share with you because, well, you’d get it. I hope hope hope other friends and families and colleagues and classmates and acquaintances don’t lose anyone even partially as important as Dominic was to us. I hope my illustrations help young people, especially, see that they are seen and these telephone lines help them feel listened to and these professionals support them away from the darkness that swallowed up our friend. I send you the warmest regards from Belgium and a big Knut kind of hug from, Just Another Person Who Loved Him
Jason responded!
Hi Tamar, yes of course I remember you! Wow, this is amazing. Great that Dom is not only remembered but continuing to influence others who meant a lot to him. I know Dom’s death affected so many people in different ways. But fantastic that you have worked so hard to provide support for those in crisis. Belgium is lucky to have you! Sending you warmest regards from Cornwall, much love xxx
We talked a little bit more online and Jason explained that Dom’s visionary founding of the Cornish Theatre Collective continues to thrive.
…I’m running the company now and since working on the Ordinalia in 2021, I’ve been trying to get funding for a play. The Knut is hugely successful in St Just, a wonderful community space...
Now the Artistic Director, Jason’s often juggling playwright, shipwright AND navigator. Fantastic current projects deliver large-scale outdoor epic theatrical experiences alongside touring theatre. Solid in the same values as Dom’s first Ordinalia, the Collective continues to function as a catalyst for communities to explore their own artistic endeavours. For those of you looking to support awareness and appreciation of Cornish cultural heritage, or interested in celebrating and interpreting our past: the collective works with freelance performers and practitioners and are developing the next exciting thing. Get in touch with them here.
…The Knut is hugely successful in St Just, a wonderful community space...
When Jason spoke of The Knut he helped me settle deep into the understanding that our friend Dominic Knutton’s memory is very much alive and still passionately active in the theatre world.
Art events coordinator Mary Ann Bloomfield managed to raise enough money to build a theatrical facility for the St Just community. It was that community that first worked together with Dom to revive the uniquely Cornish medieval Ordinalia plays.
I wrote:
… It’s just amazing how much community orbits his memory. Thank you again for all your hard work over there and all your kind words here. If, for whatever reason, you find yourself passing through Belgium, ping me a message. I’ll buy you a Belgian beer and a Belgian waffle with some Belgian chocolates so you can go back well welcomed
The warmth in our brief exchange was incredible. I hadn’t spoken with any mutual friends in 17 long years. I wasn’t even in the same VPN country, wherein I might’ve glimpsed award-winning shows, seen Jason Squibb acting in there: proximity might’ve inspired a more casual reflex to pick up the flippin’ phone!
The geographical distance was not the true divide.
Why do we do this do ourselves? Why do we look to isolate our feelings, to control what makes us human, why do we try to lock our little hearts in little boxes? Why do we sometimes hide when the truth is: community is one of the main healthy ingredients back to mental health.
Talking with friends or finding a community who are willing to discuss the trauma or tragedy or grief in your life is one of the biggest healing tools we can tap into.
I made the mistake of taking my own dang time finding my snail pace back to the place where I can heal more healthily amongst friends.
Please don’t isolate yourself.
If you have been through anything at all, there are others around you ready to listen, walk with you, remember with you, well up with tears and talk too.
In fact, aside from my friend and my art and my delayed epiphanies, the charity that I chose to support in my friend’s name, they are meeting for a community walk on May 11th. I’m just realising now, similar to Dom’s Cornish Theatre Collective, they too work to make a space for community. They hope that people who join the walk will find a space for their grief, an outlet for bereavement and a catharsis that can only come from shared memories and open hearts. You can join in sadness or in solidarity.
Hope to see you there. Learn your name. Learn the name of the person you might have lost. And learn how to say my friend’s name again and again and again too.
-T-
Holden Willard, an American artist exhibited through Belgium’s Edjigallery with the perfect size canvas imho and 8 years of meditative portraiture on his father’s features.
The blue square (top, nearly centred left) containing a doubling reflection of the self-portrait internalised therein.
This blue square reminds me of the blue tunnel of mirror and memory in another Proustian painting, one from his father’s generation, a similar size canvas by Belgian artist Gerolf Van de Perre.
Art history reflects in and on itself. Fathers itself, if you will.
Thank you to those coming to the Irish Embassy. We can’t wait to launch the 2024 #darknessintolight – Belgium campaign to raise awareness for mental health. I’m sorry the registration tickets sold out so fast. For those who can’t make it, my art is finally back in the orbit of the truly special @green_door_gallery. The website features 19 of my original pieces that exchange animal and human features to illustrate how it feels when we are bullied or harassed. I hope people who engage with this event understand: *You are not alone. There are people ready to help, ready to listen.*
Beautifully framed and ready to come home, all artwork proceeds go straight to partner charities providing free and urgent telephone access to therapy for people and families dealing with mental health struggles or bereavement. I donate these artworks in memory of those who could not get support when most needed and with hope people will learn they are not alone: there are support services accessible to you. [1813 – 24/7 line in Flemish/Dutch, +3280032123 in French. The Community Help Service also has a 24/7 Helpline in English: 026484014] Take a look at the artworks. Share them with those who resonate. See you Tuesday.
16+ paintings of Brussels and it’s incredible parks.
I love this city.
For those who missed it when first edited (beautifully by Anja Strelec) and for those who might enjoy it in English, Nederlands & Francais; here’s my interview with @BRUZZbe online. It will be on Belgian TV at 6pm. Thank you for all your love and friendship, it’s been lots of fun sharing art with you. Cool to see the interview from before the show go out on people’s home screens just before all the paintings go to their new homes.
Check it out Sunday the 22nd Nov (11am online, 6pm on TV). The channel, @BRUZZbe, is on Proximus (15), Telenet (110) and Voo (62).
I was invited to join the TEDx stage only 17 days before to our performance.
My previous musical collaborator was half a world away. To develop this global stage performance during a pandemic, I needed some closer award-winning talent. Enter Kalliopi Bolovinou. I text messaged Kalliopi, who at that time had only briefly begun teaching our young daughter eurythmics. She was curious to engage with my project. We learned how to work together at a rapid pace thanks to her incredible ability to communicate clearly in multiple languages (both human languages and musical languages). I, too, quickly learnt her ability to express wisdom, humour and empathy in speech and harmony is utterly unparalleled.
This is appropriate because in Greek mythology, her namesake Kalliope is the Muse who presides over eloquence and epic poetry; so called from the harmony of her voice. So I might just take this precedent as an excuse to wax lyrical with some eye witness report of her epic skills.
It took barely any time to onboard her with regards to the scope of my DELPHI project and we began rehearsing together, building our live art and music performance, developing it at record speed and finessing it as we went.
Kalliopi understood the educational elements immediately, the complex meta levels of the theory, philosophies, bereavement therapies and feminism at core, and was able to adapt her music style (classical training rehearses elements of a score) to a more immediate method (rehearsing the entirety every time) to fit with the unique continuity of my continuous line art performance.
She was inspired by the people we interacted with and the content of the storyline and developed her own bespoke response to the art with a gradual crescendo from Debussy’s Syrinx to a modern segment of a composition called “Ascèses” for solo flute (1967). The composer is André Jolivet. The original publication has 5 parts. Kalliopi performed No3 and No4 during the 8 minutes she developed for our show.
This is how she describes the music she developed, in her own words:
“Music is one of the most powerful forms of international expression; it breaks down all barriers by overcoming languages and transcends national borders. [I’ve] chosen classical and contemporary music for solo flute, inspired at the same time by composers, traditional dances and songs from key countries on DELPHI’s route: the Celtic points of Brittany, the islands Greek, African plains, Russian winter… to create a living narration of traditional tales. The music chosen comes from eminent composers, but also segments meshed and recomposed […] on traditional themes accompany the emotional journey of the story, the flute blows air into the lungs of the illustrated story, giving it life.”
We worked hard to make sure our collaboration mapped the music onto the art and the art supported the flow of the music and that our entrance onstage would be in synch with the theatricality of a live storytelling performance.
Kalliopi even taught me how to illustrate a stage direction diagram with French subtitles!
We struggled to offer flexible solutions to the never ending changes that occurred during the preparation of this event. The global pandemic cause the audience numbers to decrease, tickets to be returned, a livestream video option to be brought in and the venue to be changed three times! We had to rearrange our lives and our family’s lives and our children’s schedules and our work schedules, all in the name of our art and music.
We were not welcomed to rehearse on stage until the day of the TEDx event and even then the producers didn’t give the time to do a full 8 minute run through. We had 3 minutes to check out microphones and our stage positions and check the audio and lighting etc was all in place to our professional standards.
Please note all the mask wearing and even the hand sanitiser on the table. The precautions necessary to make this event covid compliant were incredibly stressful. I’m so lucky I had such positive professionals on all sides.
I will share Kalliopi’s biographical history here while also sharing images of her incredible performance on the global stage we shared.
Kalliopi Bolovinou began her music studies early in Ioannina, Greece and Athens and then trained abroad. She holds the Superior Diploma in Flute and the Superior Diploma in Musical Writing from the Athens Conservatory with the highest distinction.
She obtained her Masters at the Royal Conservatory of Music of Mons in Belgium in the class of Marc Grauwels with great distinction.
Then her Superior Diplomas in flute and piccolo at the Ecole Normale de Musique Alfred Cortot in Paris in the class of Mihi Kim.
In addition to her flute studies she also studied Musicology at the University of Athens.
She is also interested in the practice and expression of contemporary music.
She is studying Contemporary Music at the Conservatory of Gent with the Belgian contemporary music ensembles “Ictus” and “Spectra”.
As a teacher, Kalliopi trained at the Royal Conservatory of Brussels and at the Dalcroze Institute of Rhythmics in Brussels. She teaches flute at the International School of Brussels (ISB).
She won 1st Prize at the Lions Club National Flute Competition in Belgium and she represented Belgium at the Lions Club International Flute Competition in England.
During her studies, she had scholarships from the Greek state, the Ecole Normale de Musique Alfred Cortot in Paris, the Palais des Beaux Arts in Thessaloniki (Megaro Mousikis in Thessaloniki, Greece) and the Onassis Foundation.
She has worked as an orchestral musician in Greece and Belgium in different orchestras and has performed as a soloist with the National Orchestra of Greece, the Symphony Orchestra of the University of Athens, the Youth Symphony Orchestra of Athens and the Royal Chamber Orchestra of Wallonia. In the contemporary scene, she has collaborated with several ensembles, notably the French ensemble “Multilatérale”, with which she recorded at IRCAM in Paris works by the French composer Jacques Lenot (disc Chiaroscuro).
She participated in the creation of works by composers such as Yan Maresz, Matteo Franceschini, Mark Applebaum, Jacques Lenot, Yiannis Kyriakides and she participated in several festivals and workshops in Belgium, UK, France, Greece, Italy.
His interest in chamber music led him to collaborate with Belgian and foreign artists in flute and guitar duo, flute and piano, flute quartet. Within the Kaleidoscope association of which she is a founding member, she works in the multidisciplinary show “Balkan Project” which combines the arts of music, storytelling and illustration around the culture of the Balkan countries together with the storyteller Belgian Bernadette Heinrich, Spanish illustrator Teresa Arroyo and Greek guitarist Yiannis Efstathopoulos.
My favourite moment was in the dressing room after our event when Kalliopi said to me, “Thank you for letting me develop something creative with my altoflute.” In case anyone was wondering, all this has clearly been on big excuse to let us hear her altoflute’s voice ring out!
We thought it would be pretty rockstar to use the opportunity of this TEDx stage to practice our stage performance while developing a collaborative show together and in the short time of our rehearsals for this performance we ALSO built an English language AND French language application and dossier of the project to share an educational performance for schools here in Belgium.
You can see the development of that project on Kaleidoscope, Kalliopi’s musical theatre production company webpage here.
23 October with Anna Abramowski, Sofia Sereti and 47 others at TEDx ULB (I tagged the people who were either directly involved or offering emotional and friendship support! Thank you)
Accessibility for all, art for everyone, and bringing extra humanity to the stage at a time where all these are limited.
THANK YOU to all friends and family watching our live art & music TEDx performance from all over the world AT THE SAME TIME this evening. I FELT you with us in the theatre, watching, unblinking, gasping, feeling. I’m so grateful for your love and support.
(Thanks to Iris Haidău for the 10 second from-home video clip!)
EEEEEEEeeeeeek! We’re live.
Apparently this is my getting-my-microphone-checked face just before we went live.
I’m told the link to watch the livestream of our TEDx show will come up on this page and you’ll be able to watch it all happening live from 18.30 Brussels time tonight!
Before digging into the show, I already wanted to say that I’m proud of the team, they are the real MISFIT of this adventure: Dilhan, Dimitra, Giulia, Sissi, Avril & of course, Nicolas!!!
A big up to all the volunteers and people that help behind the stage!
A big thank you to our mentor and support since the 1st year: Philip Weiss & Nicolas Janssen.
And of course, we cannot mention him! Our biggest misfit : Fabian Delahaut ! Thank you for all our time!
I hope you will not miss the LIVE of tonight!
On that note, let’s get back to the final preparations for tonight!
Ps: i will be on stage tonight, soooo don’t miss it!
Educated in London and Cambridge, Tamar has published as an author, illustrator and editor of multiple award-wining books designed for families, classrooms and doctors. Her prized artwork is highly collectible, commissioned by private collectors, sold at private auctions and exhibited in galleries around Europe.
Thank you all for this amazing experience 